what i went through and left behind.

Bussin

Series of Lucid Observation (SOLO)

***

It’s a recurring habit of mine to question whether I’ve tapped my card onto the scanner everytime I get on a bus. It’s such a trivial thing, yet somehow the consequences feels disproportionately large. I could get yelled at by the driver, my card could be blocked or worst be dropped off in the middle of nowhere (somehow I imagine myself stuck in the rock bottom of spongebob realm).

There are a lot of things like this in life. A small, seemingly inconsequential action that can send everything spinning and spiralling in a completely different direction. Flushing things down the drain within a blink of an eye.

I guess these moments exist as tools used by God to change the course of our story, adding more nuanced prefaces, motivations, and conflicts. In a way that’s still comprehensible to us. If God doesn’t want us to get the job we’ve been eyeing for so long, it would be excruciatingly difficult and painful to make sense of it if we did everything perfectly. Say for example, if we nailed the paperwork, the interview, the salary negotiation and whatever things required to get us the job.

So, there have to be some silly mistakes standing between us and our goals, to stop us from barging down the unwritten path. Maybe we forgot to set the alarm, so we were late for the interview, It could be that our interviewer had a bad morning and decided to take bitterness as their mood for the day or maybe the spot which at first opened for public is now reserved for the child of a higher-ranking executive. (The silliest of them all of course was the e-meterai problem in Indonesia)

It’s easier to blame things on the uncontrollable and unimaginable anyway, and we are provided with plenty of those. God forbid that I, as a pragmatist and a stoic, would refuse the chance to use such powerful tools to achieve my own tranquility.

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