This line comes from the movie titled “Say Anything.” I think it’s hands down the funniest line I’ve ever heard in my entire life, understanding the context and all.
I may or may not have experienced the same thing. I gave my heart to someone and instead of getting their heart in return, all i got was a pen. It’s my own metaphor for the ability to write them a couple of unsent letters of unspoken words.
To be honest, I don’t mind it. I don’t mind dealing with love and the unrequited ones. I don’t mind going through love all over again to just get my heart broken in pieces, repeating the same cycle each time.
Because for me, falling in love is hard, it’s as if there exists this static friction force that I have to overcome first to finally be able to feel loved and be in love. Once I get the momentum, thing will go smooth sailing until It doesn’t (ofc) but overcoming the first hurdle is hard. So when I fall in love, i perceive it as a gift as much as a torture.
Falling in love is only for the brave souls anyway. The ones who fully acknowledge the consequences that come with it and still proceed to sign up for it, or maybe just plain dumb souls..
There is one thing that is commonly tied up with love, it’s called Romantic Relationship. People argue that if you love someone, then it is to be expected that you want to be in a relationship with them. They demand commitment from their loved one.
I have a hot take on this topic. As mentioned above, Love and commitment usually go hand in hand with each other, but for me, it simply does not. You can love someone and still won’t commit for them, it is possible, yeah. Then the other party starts to question the said ‘Love’. Well if you ask them “Why won’t you commit for me, you said you love me!” then They have the right to answer “Well, why don’t you respect my boundary, you said you love me!”
Then it confuses you right? What is love? Apparently it becomes a verb, a noun, an adjective, an adverb that no one knows the definition of but proficient enough to use it in a sentence… Its definition is truly, 100%, solely belongs to its interpreter.
You know what should go with commitment? Compatibility. Have the same idea of what love is or what relationship is for them.
I can’t stress this enough, I LOVE the idea of love, but relationship? Well in my book, love is supposed to be freeing and I think relationship is too incarcerating. It’s too binding.
Funnily enough, whilst holding that principle. I think the percentage of me saying yes to a person who asks my hand in marriage is higher than the percentage of me saying yes to someone asking me to be their girlfriend.
If there’s a type of relationship spectrum, being single and being married are located at the extreme opposites from each other. Being in a “pacaran” state is in the middle. It acts like an intermediate stage that may or may not lead up to marriage. It is like a trial period. In some way, it is good for knowing each other better, but for me before we indulge in such relationship, I need to know if our goals are aligned with each other. I need to know whether this person has marriage in mind, preferrably in the near future. I don’t wanna be stuck in a no man’s land for ages. If we don’t have the same goals, then what’s even the point of being in a relationship.
Marriage makes more sense, it’s just co-living with written rules. You can actually do something with it, have a house together, have a child, have someone to sleep next to, have joint income, if it goes well then you can get good deeds. While marriage is an actual thing, intermediate stage is consisted of what? endless chain of dates. Tied by I don’t know what. It’s just a made up shit.
To be fair, my opinion is strongly related to my belief. Being in an intermediate stage is not a sin that I’m willing to take. Especially when I can live alone just fine.
Some of my friends claim that if you’re in that kind of intermediate relationship, then you will have more rights to ask more compared to if you just being friends with them. TO ASK MORE OF WHAT? of their time? of their attention? of their care? They’re not legally and spiritually obliged to do so. I don’t want to owe people nothing. I think if someone really loves you, you don’t need to go extra miles to get them to do things.
Anyway, I don’t have any problems with not being prioritized. I love someone just for the sake of loving them, whatever that means. It is nice if they can spare time for me, if not then it’s okay, my love stays the same.
I don’t care if they don’t know that I love them as much as I don’t care if they don’t feel loved by me as much as I don’t care if they don’t love me back.
Two years ago, I said to myself “I’m too selfish to be in a relationship” and that hasn’t changed.
Revision:
Turns out, I do care if someone doesn’t feel loved by me. It is painful to see someone I love so dearly, question their worthiness of my love. It’s so fucking sad seeing the insurmountable amount of discrepancies between what was felt and what was said from my part.
“How dare you say It’s nothing to me? Baby, you’re the only light I ever saw.” – Slow dancing in a burning room, john mayer
[TLDR]
The inner-working of a heart that falls never fails to puzzles me.
How do you choose who to fall in love with? How do you come up with the reason of falling? How do you pick the perfect time? How do you just get along with all of it? How do you willingly allow it to reduce your brain power by.. a lot?
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